"How to shoot yourself in the foot" by 'bportlock'
Pascal - The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Delphi -Take a laser cannon and point it at your foot. However be warned that pulling the trigger is liable to result in your entire lower body being vapourised.
C - You pull the trigger and the gun fires so rapidly that you empty a whole magazine into your foot.
C++ - You can't shoot yourself in the foot, but you can shoot anything derived from a foot.
Java - Make a coffee, take out the gun and shoot discrete packets of bullets at your foot in a variety of styles.
HTML - Wait for a public gathering, give out your address and announce that anyone wishing to visit may watch in total comfort whilst you shoot your foot. Warn eveyone that speed of performance may be highly variable.
Ada - Create several instances of your foot and shoot them all simultaneously.
Forth - Foot. Yourself. in the. Shoot.
COBOL - Take a 4.5" shell and drop it on your foot smashing your whole lower leg into a bloody pulp.
Fortran - Take a front loading musket, ram home the powder and shot and repeatedly pull the trigger until the bloody thing fires. Remember to aim at your foot.
SAP - Hire an operating theatre, an expensive surgeon and a professional hitman. Have the hitman shoot you in the foot because you didn't pay all that money to have to do it yourself. The surgeon will then be able to upgrade your foot.
RPG - Shoot yourself in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the foot.
RPG II - SHTFT.
BASIC - Using a toy pistol, shoot at your feet and watch the sucker-tipped bullets bounce off. Your foot will be totally unharmed.
VB - Proceed as for Basic but using coloured bullets. Smile during the whole process because it feels so good!
Access - The toy pistol provided is too complicated to use so you have to throw the coloured sucker-tipped bullets at yout foot. Performance enhancements are only possible if you buy a bigger gun.
OS/2 - You would like to shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody makes ammunition to fit your gun anymore.
Assembly - Dig out the ore, smelt the metal and cast a gun, bullet and shell case. Make some gunpowder and fill the shell case and fit the bullet. Point it at your foot and pull the trigger but don't be surprised if it misses and kills someone else.
Windows - It is time you had your feet amputated anyway. Nobody uses feet anymore now that Wheels XP is available.
***************************************************** I copied and pasted the above from the comments in this article:
"Security Issues" by Paul Murphy
http://blogs.zdnet.com/Murphy/?p=899
Have a good laugh!
Julie @};-
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